your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
