Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
