She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
