I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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