Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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