So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
