I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
