If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
