i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
