my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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