I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
