My liver just broke up with me...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
