just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
