please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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