I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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