i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
