Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
