JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
