Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
