I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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