The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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