I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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