im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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