My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
