i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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