I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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