nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
