I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
