I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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