I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
