You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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