My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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