I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drake has all the answers
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
