I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
