Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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