Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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