What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
