You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can text with my tongue
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
