Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I smell stomach acid.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
