I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
