not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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