im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize