We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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