He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
