just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
