i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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