By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
