Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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