i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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