shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
