I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
