I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
