Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
