i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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