So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
