I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
