Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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