His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
