drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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