Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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