I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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