Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
