I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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