i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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