i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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