Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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