Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We got so high we made milksteak
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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