Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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