So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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