How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
