It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
