as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
