It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
