I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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