highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
