he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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