Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
