Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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