dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
