Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
