he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
