stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
