Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
